What Makes a Great Opening Line? 18 Examples from Your Novels, Critiqued
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Your first line is perhaps the most important in the entire story. It has a critical job: to grab our attention and make us want to keep reading. But too often, writers open their stories with a bland, factual statement — like, “It was a sunny day in Phoenix.” Okay… and so what?
What makes a great opening line? It has to make us curious to continue with the story. So to help you nail your first line, today I'm going to do a workshop of opening sentences submitted by you from your current drafts. I sent out a call for submissions to the premium subscribers of my newsletter, Chapter Break, and I got an incredible amount of responses.
I'm going to read through each of the examples, then talk about whether I think it's a strong opening line as is — or, if it's weak, how I might edit it to make it more effective.
1. The valley was innocent.
I like this opening line for a literary thriller. There’s a bit of personification here in labeling the valley as innocent — because, of course, a valley isn’t something we typically consider having human traits. But because this is a literary thriller, I think that suits the genre well.
It also leads us to wonder why the narrator has to call out that the valley is innocent. Has it been accused of something? And if the valley is innocent, then who is guilty?
My only note for this opening line is that we should quickly learn what “the valley” is in this context — otherwise, we might be disoriented by this personification. So as long as those answers are sorted out quickly, this could be a strong opening.
2. Eduardo turned around on the bar stool to watch the woman on stage singing karaoke and was immediately bumped, spilling his rum and Coke.
The passive voice in this opening for a magical realism novel — “was immediately bumped” — makes it sound a bit grammatically clunky, and it would be stronger if we knew who was bumping Eduardo.
While I do appreciate that the author centers us in immediate action and sets the scene of the karaoke bar, I wish we got a bit more insight into how Eduardo is feeling about his situation and where he is.
As written, it reads more like just a factual statement than something coming from within Eduardo’s perspective. I’d encourage this author to find a way to maybe weave in some of the character’s interiority — and address that passive voice.
3. A body tumbled toward the sea.
This opening for an adult horror fantasy novel: does immediately introduce a mystery — whose body is it? But I wonder if we might get a few more telling details about that body to pique our interest even more. It’s also difficult to tell if the body is lifeless or if this is a person swimming, for instance.
This opening line also has a more distant perspective — it reads like omniscient narration rather than close third person — so I question whether we should maybe be within a specific character’s mind and body in this moment, where they’re observing the body tumbling toward the sea.
Certainly not a bad opening line, though.
4. If beauty was a currency for women to procure a husband, Princess Myra was a pauper.
I like this opening line for an adult romance novel because it immediately tells us something about the character, Princess Myra, in an intriguing way. Rather than just saying she was unattractive, we use this comparison to currency — which is super interesting.
And because this is adult romance, maybe it also gives us a hint of the world that we’re in. The phrasing “for women to procure a husband” almost gives me the vibe of Regency England, so maybe there are some of those elements coming into this fantastical world.
There’s also an immediate sense of tension created, because we sense that Princess Myra needs to perhaps procure a husband — but can’t, because of how she looks. And maybe that will be a tension we see carried throughout the story.
Overall, I like this opening line.
5. The world believes I'm dead.
To me, this is a strong opening line for an adult comedic mystery because it immediately raises the question: Why does the world believe they’re dead? We want to learn more — which is exactly what you want your opening line to do. I like how short and punchy it is, too. It really gives us no choice but to read the next sentence.
6. The 3:00 a.m. light in this test lab was low.
This opening line for an adult speculative thriller reads to me like a static description of the scene, which isn’t necessarily that intriguing. We are curious to know why the character is in the test lab at 3:00 a.m., because of course that’s quite late to be working in a lab — but I’d encourage the author to consider directing our attention to some other element beyond just the light being low.
Is there the sound of glass breaking? Does a light go out suddenly? This is another situation where the author could center us in the POV character’s mind and body a bit more, which would likely make for a more engaging sentence. For example, maybe they convey their exhaustion or their commitment to finishing this experiment. There’s definitely some interesting potential here.
7. Cole Castile barged into his former fiancée's bridal shop, clutching the industrial-strength garbage bag in one fist — the last of her things stretching the heavy plastic.
I like this opening line from an adult steamy romance novel because it immediately places us in the scene and tells us quite a lot about the characters in very few words. We know that these two characters have just broken off an engagement. We know that the female character owns a bridal shop. And we know that the male character is getting rid of her things.
My one suggestion here would be to go even further with providing us more subtle character detail by naming one of the items that is stretching the plastic. Rather than just saying “the last of her things stretching the heavy plastic,” what if it was her cat tree stretching the heavy plastic? Or her mother’s antique vase? Including a specific item there will give us even more detail about the fiancée character.
8. Idrawa drew in a ragged breath.
This one, from an adult fantasy novel, doesn’t give us enough setting detail or enough characterization to really understand the context — and therefore, what to make of this ragged breath. As a result, it reads more like just a factual description and isn’t all that intriguing.
Try to indicate what’s causing Idrawa to breathe raggedly. Or what thought is passing through her mind as this is happening. Or where she is. There are different ways you can provide just a bit more context — but that will go a long way in making this more intriguing.
9. “Shall we burn them all, Father?” the rectory helper asked as he leaned forward to get a better look from the oil lamp’s light.
This one’s from an adult thriller, and while I generally don’t love opening novels with dialogue — because we tend to need a lot of context to understand what’s going on — I don’t hate this one, honestly.
That’s because the author gives us a good amount of detail in the dialogue tag. In this case, we know it’s the rectory helper speaking, which tells us not only who is present in the scene but also where we are physically. We also know that the other character in this scene is the rectory helper’s father, which is helpful. So the author does a good job giving us context here.
That said, I really wish I knew what “them all” was referring to — because otherwise, I don’t understand the stakes of burning them. It sounds severe, but they could just be burning old receipts, for all I know.
Of course, we’ll probably learn what this is referring to in the next sentence, but the author might consider bringing it into this sentence with the section “as he leaned forward to get a better look.” What is he looking at? That would tell us a lot more.
10. This was the first time she had been to a prison.
When I first read this one for a work of upmarket fiction, I liked it — but as I thought a bit more about it, I liked it a bit less. That’s because I think the vast majority of people have not been to a prison, so this statement isn’t all that exciting or unexpected.
Rather than telling us something super special about this character, it’s really just commenting on something not unique at all. Instead, I would highlight something unexpected about the character’s experience in prison itself — and this approach will also help the author deepen the POV.
For instance, it could be a phrase like “She never expected that prison would have [blank]” or “She was surprised to see the prison had [blank].” Something like that would be a lot more intriguing.
11. Chunks of soil, some the size of a man's clenched fist, flew into the air as the wooden hoe slammed into the ground.
What I don’t like about this opening line from an adult historical novel is that it feels quite distant — because there’s actually no character present in this sentence at all. We know that a wooden hoe is slamming into the ground, but not who’s wielding that hoe or why.
I’d recommend that the author rewrites this sentence to bring their character into it and perhaps give us a hint of why this hole is being dug.
The detail they highlight here is the size of the chunks of soil — but that detail doesn’t feel all that significant or impactful. What’s more important is who is digging this hole, and why — so those questions should be what the sentence focuses on.
12. His suitcase — a metaphor for all that's been lost — slams to the floor, its contents tumbling out like a bucket of building blocks.
There are a few edits I would make to this line from a work of women’s fiction to make it more effective. First, I would take out the phrase “a metaphor for all that's been lost” — because it feels a bit like weak writing to call out the metaphor in the text itself. Rather, you should allow the reader to make that conclusion and interpretation for themselves.
Second, rather than just saying “its contents tumbling out like building blocks,” specify some of those contents. Whatever the male character has in his suitcase is going to tell us a lot about him, and it’s going to give you opportunities to create intrigue. Try to highlight unexpected things — not just his clothes or deodorant. What if he has a lot of cash in there? What if he has a stack of photos?
I also don’t think we need the simile “like a bucket of building blocks.” The reader can easily picture contents spilling out of a suitcase without needing that imagery.
Overall, I’d caution this author to use figurative language strategically.
13. Emily Jernigan had always loved reading stories, but never imagined becoming the author of someone’s death.”
I like this opening for a work of adult literary fiction because it immediately tells us something about Emily — that she loves reading stories — so we learn a bit about her character. And then it raises the question of what “becoming the author of someone’s death” means. That’s an unexpected turn of phrase that suits the literary aspect of this story well.
And of course, it makes us wonder: who died, and what did Emily have to do with it?
14. I tallied up the magazines on my cot, then did it again.
I don’t necessarily feel the urge to continue reading after this sentence for an adult urban fantasy novel. First, I don’t know what type of magazines they are. I don’t know why the narrator is tallying them, or really what exactly that means — are they just counting them? Or are they doing something else with them?
Also, we’re in first person here, so it’d be helpful to know how the character feels about this act. As written, it sounds like a mundane, boring, routine act — but maybe there’s something more intriguing about it that the author could highlight.
Honestly, the most intriguing part about this line is the mention of the cot, because I wonder where this character is exactly. So maybe the author could pivot to describing the setting instead.
15. The nurses flickered like shadow puppets cut from buffalo hide — blurry, sharp, then gone again.
This sentence, from an adult historical novel, sounds quite beautiful and poetic — there’s a nice rhythm and cadence to the language. However, I don’t quite know what it’s saying.
When I dig into it specifically, there are a lot of layers of images upon images that aren’t really adding up, so I can’t make sense of the sentence. First it says “the nurses flickered like shadow puppets,” but I don’t really know what that means — are the nurses’ whole bodies physically going in and out of existence? Or is this referring to them moving about a space erratically? I don’t know that the comparison to shadow puppets really clarifies that.
Then we get another layer of imagery on top — “cut from buffalo hide — blurry, sharp, then gone again.” I don’t understand exactly how “blurry, sharp, then gone again” is referring to buffalo hide. And I don’t know what to make of the shadow puppets being cut from buffalo hide — is that referring to the physical texture, or something else?
I would encourage this author to use more straightforward language so we understand what exactly is happening physically in the scene — and maybe narrow in on one of these images, rather than stacking so many of them in one sentence and obscuring the meaning.
16. Logan spotted his reflection as he pushed through the glass door, his eye was already turning black.
I like that there’s immediately intrigue created around Logan’s black eye — we want to know when he got it and how, of course. But there are a couple of tweaks I would make here on this opening from an adult thriller.
First, I don’t love starting the novel with the character seeing their own reflection — that’s a bit of a cliché and an overused device. I’d encourage this author to signal the black eye through another character commenting on it, or through Logan noticing it from within his own body — maybe it feels sore to the touch, for instance.
Second, I question the punctuation here. These are two independent clauses joined by a comma, which makes it a comma splice. The phrase “His eye was already turning black” is a complete sentence on its own, so it should either be separated by a semicolon or revised for smoother syntax — for example: “his eye already turning black.” Then it would make sense to keep the comma.
Overall, a couple of tweaks could make this one really intriguing.
17. At 3:00 a.m., Kora tastes metal.
I really like this one from a thriller novel because it’s unexpected. Tasting metal at any time is a bit concerning — and usually signals blood in the mouth. But because it’s at 3:00 a.m., there’s an added layer of intrigue.
Why is Kora awake at 3:00 a.m.? Or did she wake up because of the taste of metal? I have questions, and I want to learn more — so I think this is a strong opening line.
18. Death is a gift that brings forth the best in people, because when they have nothing else left, they think about what is most important to them.
To me, this doesn’t quite read like the start of a historical novel — it sounds more like the beginning of an essay about death, or a philosophical rumination.
I’d encourage this author to instead consider what their character thinks about death and perhaps highlight that, rather than having some unknown, all-knowing narrator make broad commentary.
How does your character feel about death? For example, a revised line could be something like: “Character didn’t realize what was most important to them until [Blank]’s death.” That would be a lot more intriguing, and bring us directly into the character’s experience — while also giving us more context for whose death we’re talking about.
Thank you so, so much to all the authors who submitted their opening lines! It’s going to be really, really hard to select my top three favorites. Okay… drumroll….
My top three favorite lines are:
“The world believes I’m dead.”
“Emily Jernigan had always loved reading stories, but never imagined becoming the author of someone’s death.”
“At 3:00 a.m., Kora tastes metal.”
You can totally tell that I love thrillers, because two out of my three favorites mention death. What were your favorite lines?
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